Great Expectations

So, me and the misses were chatting it up last night about how expectations are just premeditated disappointments. There were some interesting questions brought up:

Can't we expect our kids to do what we ask them?
Can't we expect our spouses or friends to do what they say?
Can't we expect the sun to rise?

While these are all very important questions, we must first discuss what an expectation is. An expectation is when we hope someone will do something in the future. Hope implies doubt, however optimistically, that it will occur. When we expect people do things for us (particularly when those expectations are not stated), we set ourselves up for failure. This happens with marriages, friendships, churches, businesses, parents, etc all the time. I equate an unstated expectation to a loan where the borrower knows not that they were loaned something and the conditions are not agreed to. If banks where in the business of doing this, they would be greatly disappointed in the outcomes. People would not be agreeing to satisfy the loan after the fact because they didn't agree to it in the first place. Expectations, unstated, for a person to change their behavior or become a different person are dangerous to all parties involved.

Stated/clear expectations however are much different. This implies trust. If I tell my wife I'm going to home for dinner, then she can expect that, unless she hears from me, I will do that. We trust each other. If I'm not home, she's not disappointed with me, she is worried that something might have happened. If your friend/kid/pastor/parent/spouse says that they will do something, then you have an agreement in principle that it will be completed. Hope is more or less removed and is now trust in that persons character and word. If you have to hope in someone's character/word, then you probably have trust issues with them that need to be worked out before agreeing to any more contracts. In the bank analogy above, this would be like me getting a loan, agreeing to the conditions, and then not satisfying them. Before I get another loan, I have to work out why I can be trusted with that banks expectations of me.

Why this is important is fairly obvious. We ought to be wise with the people in whom we entrust our lives and futures. Also, when we are sharing the important message of Jesus with people, we cannot necessarily shout it and throw it someone's face. Why would they trust you and why would you trust them? There is no foundation to speak to them on a spiritual basis (not to mention a physical or emotional one). Inherently, our efforts to communicate the truths of love and grace are inevitably met with disappointment from both sides. Our expectations are unmet. Their expectations are unmet ("All Christians are hypocrites and judgmental"). We expect them to listen. They are listening because they think we might have an answer (or they are merely placating us). If they don't know/trust our intentions, then they won't listen. If we don't know what the questions are, then how can we have an answer. This leads to disappointment on both sides...in any relationship.

Happy Sweater Vest Wednesday. I am rocking a pink button up with a black SV.

Adam